So strange that I named my blog, "The Air I Breathe," 5 years ago! We are wearing masks to keep from breathing the air around the people we encounter if we are out! But the air I meant, was
how I live each day, taking in the life of Christ, who gives me life and breath!
It is Saturday again, and although my circumstances are very different from the following post I wrote in 2015. Our second little newborn granddaughter, Dasah Brielle Dennis ,daughter of Lindsey and Kevin, died 12 hours after coming into the world. Our families held her, celebrated her, and loved her oh so briefly. We knew she would pass into Jesus arms soon after she was born. We all stepped into the world of grief. But she is never far from our hearts even now. And I am feeling so much the same this Easter. I have a sense of loss. I feel sad for so many in the world who are suffering. I feel the instability of this world. But I continue to press into the truth of the cross. And that truth is the victory that comes as we celebrate Easter tomorrow!
So I walk daily in that tension of casting out fears and believing Jesus holds me fast. But the truth is,
today is Saturday. The posture of my heart is waiting and anticipating as I live in the present, but look forward to the future...no sin, no death, no disease. Jesus came to be with us through this present storm!
April 5, 2015
There is something stirring in my heart that begs to be expressed. I hope I am coming out of a "think fog!" I haven't been able to put any of my thoughts together for awhile but today for some reason, I had this urge to write. This Easter I have wanted to enter into everything I could to wrap my mind and heart around Jesus, in hopes of finding greater peace and comfort. The one who grieves is constantly looking for comfort, for rest, for answers and for hope.
Last night, Good Friday, Mike and I went to "Journey to the Cross," a meditative walk through 12 stations of reflection on Jesus's experience as He made His way to the cross. Our church sponsors it each Good Friday at the YMCA. We read Scripture, wrote words of thanks and surrender on walls of paper, and nailed a little paper to a big wooden cross, with words describing our laying down of a specific struggle in our life. In my devotional time with the Lord that day, I read words from Scripture reflecting on the suffering of Christ. 1 Peter 2:21-24 says, "For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in His steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in His mouth. When He was reviled, He did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to Him to judges justly. He Himself bore our sins in His body on the tree...by His wounds you have been healed." I felt sad for all the suffering Jesus went through for me. But the big thought here is that I can endure suffering because Jesus understands and went through it and He is in the process of healing me. And that there will come a day when this great sadness begins to lift from my heart. Then I began thinking yesterday, about what that day in between Good Friday and Easter really looked like over 2000 years ago. In years past, Saturday has come and gone. It's just been another day, sandwiched in between these two days of very different reflection. But today, Saturday, I am thinking a lot about it.
Most every day for the last 4 1/2 months has felt like the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter.. It was a very sad day for the disciples, for Jesus's mother, for all those who had followed Jesus. They were grieving His death. They were in shock over the horror of it, the finality of it, and all the questions that go with this grief. Why had this happened? What do we do now? Where is there any comfort? How can we go on?
This isn't the way we thought it would end.
I have all these questions too. And as Mike and I have been going through our GriefShare classes, I am learning that it is ok and good to have questions. It is good to pour them out to the Lord. This is called "lamenting." It is a crying out to the Lord, with all my questions, fears, anger, hopes, and feelings. I imagine the disciples were intensely lamenting on Saturday, the day after they saw their Lord crucified. Sometimes I forget, just as they forgot, that though Jesus reminded them He would suffer and die on a cross, He told them He would also rise again after 3 days. But this was just the second day, this day after He had died. They had forgotten there was hope just around the corner.
And they probably could not conceive of what that hope even looked like. I kind of understand that now. I have read all the wonderful promises...that beauty will come out of these ashes, that God will wipe away every tear, that joy comes in the morning. But every day still seems like Saturday.
Every day seems like a Saturday, until I remember all that Jesus has promised. Tomorrow I will celebrate His great victory over death, over sin, and over all suffering. I just read Ann Voskamp today. Her thoughts head me past Saturday to Sunday:
"Today we will be astonished that because of Christ, Hope rises from the dead
places, impossible stones can be rolled away, all the sad things are becoming undone.
Today I will be shattered by the grace of it; the good news is we don't have to try
harder but we get to trust deeper in our Saviour who literally saves. The good news
is that we get to live dangerously, because we get to live safest in Christ. The good
news is that we get to be the weakest, and get to be loved the most." - April 4 post on Facebook
So tomorrow I plan to leave Saturday behind. I plan to celebrate and worship and adore the One
who understands each of my Saturday kind of days, but who holds me in love and grace and comfort.
I'll have Sophie and Dasah in my mind, picturing them hand in hand, joyful, and safe in Jesus' care. I know I will have more Saturday kind of days. But I going to live dangerously close to
Jesus so I don't forget about the day after Saturday and find myself daily in front of the empty tomb, celebrating, believing and living in the Hope of Easter.
Yesterday I let these words wash over me. If you have a few minutes today or tomorrow take a listen. https://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/revive-our-hearts/reflecting-cross/
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