The Bending

I recently began a new study of the Psalms called A 30 Day Walk with God in the Psalms, by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.  The first Psalm I studied was Psalm 1.  The psalmist talks about how blessed (that word actually means happy!) a person is who, "delights in the law of the Lord and meditates on it day and night."  That person will be, "like a tree, firmly planted by streams of water which yields fruit in its season, and its leaf does not whither and in whatever he does, he is successful." (verse 2 and 3) I was thinking that I so want to be like that firmly planted tree, but right now I feel like the above picture...so stretched and bending that if it were not for friends who pray and hold me down with those prayers, and the Word of God that is my daily bread,  I would surely come uprooted! 

In these weeks since learning of my daughter Lindsey's pregnancy and the diagnosis of our precious granddaughter's condition, acrania, my mother heart travels everywhere. There is extreme sadness,
which encompasses the loss for Lindsey and Kevin and both of our families. There is the tension of feeling helpless, because a mother wants to fix every hurt and pain and I can't fix it. There is the ache I feel for my daughter as I imagine every day she wakes up with this journey before her. And it is the knowing of what lies ahead because we have been there before.  It is also the anticipation of welcoming my other daughter Laurie's baby in less than a month. My heart joys in welcoming a new grandson coming into the world, but there is always the thought, apart from God's miraculous intervention, which we pray for, of saying goodbye to another granddaughter.  I feel this "bending."

Psalm 84:7 has reminded me that He will lead me from "strength to strength."  That strength I gained yesterday when I came downstairs, sat in my chair with my coffee, and opened up my Bible, carried me to the strength I gained today, when I woke up, came downstairs, got my coffee, and opened up my Bible. I opened it up and began meditating and soon delighting and then found my heart being renewed!  I gave the Lord my fears, my tears, and my worries.

I began to praise and thank the Lord for being my refuge, my children's refuge, and our families strength and hope.  I feel myself becoming firmly planted for the day.  Now my eyes are in the right place, and they are gazing at Jesus and all that I know to be true about Him. 

I know I will feel "the bending" at different times during my day.  But my roots grew a little deeper because of my time with my Savior this morning and every morning.  He has my attention.  I am desperate for Him because there is no other place to find peace, to find rest and hope.  I listen to music throughout the day that helps me praise and worship the Lord, keeping my eyes on Him.

The Psalmist also says there will be "fruit in its season."(verse 3)   I don't know what that looks like.  I pray I will be changed in a way that pleases the Lord.  I pray God's greatness will be displayed in our story.   But at the end of this I am kind of thinking it will be as beautiful as this picture!

 

 

 "Though You Slay Me" Shane and Shane with John Piper

 

( The thoughts by John Piper toward the end of this music video are profound!)